Surely someone has suggested that you imagine your audience naked in your next presentation. Remember, the audience frightens you because, if you believe you did poorly, you will think they think you did horrendously, and that might destroy your self-esteem.

And of course, if you imagine them bare-skinned, you will be a lot less nervous, since they will appear ludicrous – and thus inferior – to you, so you will not perceive your audience as imposing, and your nervousness will just evaporate.

Fun, but it does not work. If you have not tried it yet, do it the next time around and let me know if you agree with this:

First, you get distracted from the message you want to convey to the audience. You will focus on yourself, trying to carry out a complicated exercise of imagination. It is already difficult to try it while you are bored at the beach, watching people walk by, go figure while you are facing a whole bunch of people staring at you. You won’t have enough time! All right, that guy at the back surely has a fat hairy belly, the lady in the corner is a tanning bead freak, the blonde in the first row has had her cellulite removed, and Mr. Straight-Face here must be wearing his army cammo underwear. Too much work when you are engaged in something as intense as public speaking, which occupies your mind fully.

Also, you disconnect from your audience. You are fantasizing, instead of thinking about them as the receivers of your message. You need to connect with each one of them, to talk to them as individuals, and to make sure they understand your message and find it relevant. If you detach yourself from the situation, you lose the opportunity to convince them

And, how do you think your face looks like when you are eyeing someone while imagining him or her naked? You will surely have problems in maintaining visual contact!

Instead of imagining them naked, imagine how much they are enjoying your presentation. Imagine yourself bowing to a standing ovation. It is in that precise moment, if you really have that perversion, that maybe you can imagine them all naked.

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“Oh, you look too serious,” is a comment often given during the coaching sessions of the SpeakersTrainingCamp®. People often ask, “Well, why should I smile, I’m not saying anything funny.” The reason you want to smile is that it conveys enthusiasm for what you are talking about and it also conveys friendliness toward the audience. People rarely smile. And I’ll admit that it’s really hard to do if you’re nervous (which causes lots of facial tension). I can remember one video shoot that I was doing for a training video. I was really trying hard to be energetic and enthusiastic. While I was filming the clip, I was thinking, “This is probably way over the top,” but when I reviewed the tape, there wasn’t enough smiling. What we think is enough facial expression, is usually not enough for the audience. I’ve only worked with a few people who smile too much – it’s very rare. One of them was an executive from the IRS! Enough said.

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The rainbow ribbon

I stayed in a hotel for three nights over the weekend – I was competing in a dog agility competition. As I often do when I’m on the road, I try to guess what people do for a living, why they are staying in the hotel, and how they are connected to the people they are with. This turned out to be an extremely intense adventure.

Day 1: Riding down the elevator with my Sheltie and young Golden Retriever, I was trying my best to keep the white hair on the Sheltie and the muddy paws on the Retriever from annoying the elevator riders. There was a cute little boy who was in charge of pushing the elevator floor buttons for his family. The woman in the group asked what I was doing, and I explained that there was an agility trial five minutes up the road – maybe they’d like to come. She replied that they really wouldn’t have time. I felt sorry for the little Elevator Boy – he’d really enjoy watching the dogs race through the obstacles. I thought – oh they are probably going to a wedding – that’s nice. Later at breakfast I saw even more family members: a Grampa, a Grandma (I’m guessing here), maybe some aunts and uncles. Oh – maybe Elevator Boy was having a serious operation at a well-known medical center nearby; or maybe Grampa was having some treatments. Gulp.

Day 2: I rode down the elevator with my dogs again, but this time only one of the women was in the elevator. She mentioned that she was very happy that the elevator was working, because it was not working at 2am. I said, “Gee – what were you doing in the elevator at 2am?” She said, “We were toasting my husband – we’re burying him today. He was a security contractor killed in Afghanistan recently in the suicide bomber attack on CIA operatives.” Double Gulp. I gave her my sincere condolences, and quickly made the decision that I was not going to ride the elevator any more that day. I was heading out to the competition, and had to pull every motivational speaker bone in my body out to help turn my mood around. I decided that I would dedicate the rest of my weekend to her husband. It seemed so insignificant, but that’s what I could muster up. Later that evening I saw them on the news – the entire elevator family. Her husband’s name was Dane Paresi – the man closest to the suicide bomber – he saved a bad day from being worse. Wow!

Day 3: This time I rode down the elevator with Dane’s sister (I recognized her from tv). She was on a cell phone telling someone what a nice evening they had at Bennigan’s, a restaurant where you throw peanuts on the floor. She said everyone enjoyed that. I was relieved, because I did not have to speak to her – she was still on the phone. As I pulled out of the parking lot I saw the white limo waiting to pick up the Elevator Boy and his family.

And what about my weekend? My competition, dedicated to Dane, was the best one in over 6 years. A very intense calm and focus stayed with me all weekend, and resulted in an outstanding outcome. On Sunday, my dog received a Rainbow Ribbon – the highest award possible. Driving home I was still thinking about Dane’s family, and how insignificant my world was compared to what they were going through. The same thing is true for overcoming nervousness in presentations – keep things in perspective. That presentation is really not that important compared to all the critical things happening in the world. Keep things in perspective: it’s just a conversation. That’s all – just a conversation.